Christmas Day 2007

It dawned at a reasonable time 8.30a.m. We clambered downstairs in a dressing gown conga line and we opened our presents beneath our twinkling tree. Watches, books games, clothes, pants and socks, (the most underrated of all presents-really would you spend 10 quid on a pair of socks for yourself?) all were happy.

Then John made our traditional start to the day, steak and onion baguettes and a large mug of scalding tea. We footered with our gifts, got showered and dressed and set about waiting for the family to descend, Jim Marie Michael and Monica came first. At this point I feel I should say Monica is Michael’s cousin, and not Marks, further more we were swapping pressies which meant a swift trip to the emergency present pile…Marks and Spencer’s Chocolate Santas were duly despatched and eventually eaten. More wrappings fell onto the floor and play sets assembled, a rogue football bounced around threatening my Beleek and blood pressure, but was trapped and incarcerated in the garage, and peace was restored. Stephen arrived with sacks for both of the small boys, more chocolate and wrappings and toys and those little plastic ties appeared and were despatched and we are now on black bin bag number three.

John went for Mum and more mayhem ensued, a flying saucer with a remote control that has an impossibly tiny wee screw that cannot be undone, this is the way into the battery compartment. Still several scissors and screw drivers and sellotape later it works champion style, sighs of relief echo through the house. Also paul discovered he had forgotton to get Gran anything...Back to the emergency present store and a tin of buiscuits were gratefully recieved.

Dinner was served, and the chat is varied and interrupted by the telephone which is Pat (John’s other brother.) Still the meal continues well and we eat an obscene amount of food, but it was good, apparently no one satisfies Mum better than Mario Lanza, which of course led to several other comments none really recountable here.

Mum decided to organise her own funeral with Stephen officiating. It is difficult when faced with such a request to avoid saying ‘I would be delighted.’ But some how, through experience he made the right noises. Mum thoroughly enjoyed herself and was despatched before Doctor Who. (Despatched as in driven home, not buried!!)

Then Jillian and Lauren came over and we unwrapped even more pressies, binned even more paper ate too much chocolate and played Catchphrase.

It was a good night until 12.15 when John and Paul fell out, something to do with singing-they are still barely speaking to one another but then it would not be Christmas if it was perfect would it?