Woo hoo
Purple is the new green. I am a WINNER!!
Imagine that!. Well the buddies are fast arriving and the virtual champers is on ice.
Who would have thought it possible?
Thanks Ali!!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Ablation-Failed
Well the op failed. An op with a success rate of greater than 92% and I am in the minority! While it is a bit of a bummer at least I know I tried.
It was strange experience, I was awake on the table for 2 hours, but really only aware for about 20 minutes. The only sensations I recall were the threading of the three catheters into my groin and one in the jugular. I never felt their journey through my body at all. I saw my heart on a monitor resembling the planet Jupiter, (why Jupiter and not Venus? - no idea my heart my planet I suppose!) with what looked like a V shaped Kirby grip and a bendy straw that crossed over it, looking like a giant A.
Now many things happened they tickled my heart and made it go all Tom and Jerry, they discussed it, I suppose, I say I suppose because I was busy reciting Tam O’Shanter and getting confused. For some reason my version had saucy nurses in it…hummm…and oh dear, I was singing too. What ever I had expected of morphine it was not to loosen my already loose tongue!
Then in order to correct the erratic beat they had stimulated they gave me an electric shock. This prompted a rather annoyed and indignant ‘OW!’ from me but nothing else. The only other pain I felt was the burning, it was like heartburn (which it literally was!) and lasts for 24 hours afterwards (think a burnt finger on a hot oven shelf) but 2 paracetamol solved that and the headache I had too.
The procedure did not work because the errant pathway was too close to the legitimate one. As they burn they look for signals from the heart, one of which is the beat rate. During burning they look for it to rise to 150, mine only went to 130, so they felt that if they proceeded they would compromise the legit pathway, meaning a permanent pacemaker. Yes if they had been more aggressive they may have fixed it, but then they may also have blown it and I would be pacemakered and at 46 they felt I was too young for that, so they sensibly stopped. They checked again and they could still generate the erratic rhythm so the op was deemed a failure, although the Doc said that there may be a modification to it, it was best to remain on beta blockers.
Well that was that, but at least I know that it is a physical thing, and not the product of panic attacks, being overly emotional or just not being calm enough or even severe hypochondria! Furthermore I would not be as scared again (I think!) So I suffer from re entrant something or other causing Supra Ventricular Tachycardia which degenerates into Atrial Fiberation , there bet you feel better now!
Part of my(and the families) freak out was related to dates, you see my last attack that prompted the op was April the seventh-my fathers birthday, and the op date November 21st was the anniversary of his death(and a miscarriage too.)
Oddly enough my first ever visit to hospital was on April the 7th 1995, strange the way dates play on our minds and we attach significances to them.
Anyway signing off for now!
Fiona
It was strange experience, I was awake on the table for 2 hours, but really only aware for about 20 minutes. The only sensations I recall were the threading of the three catheters into my groin and one in the jugular. I never felt their journey through my body at all. I saw my heart on a monitor resembling the planet Jupiter, (why Jupiter and not Venus? - no idea my heart my planet I suppose!) with what looked like a V shaped Kirby grip and a bendy straw that crossed over it, looking like a giant A.
Now many things happened they tickled my heart and made it go all Tom and Jerry, they discussed it, I suppose, I say I suppose because I was busy reciting Tam O’Shanter and getting confused. For some reason my version had saucy nurses in it…hummm…and oh dear, I was singing too. What ever I had expected of morphine it was not to loosen my already loose tongue!
Then in order to correct the erratic beat they had stimulated they gave me an electric shock. This prompted a rather annoyed and indignant ‘OW!’ from me but nothing else. The only other pain I felt was the burning, it was like heartburn (which it literally was!) and lasts for 24 hours afterwards (think a burnt finger on a hot oven shelf) but 2 paracetamol solved that and the headache I had too.
The procedure did not work because the errant pathway was too close to the legitimate one. As they burn they look for signals from the heart, one of which is the beat rate. During burning they look for it to rise to 150, mine only went to 130, so they felt that if they proceeded they would compromise the legit pathway, meaning a permanent pacemaker. Yes if they had been more aggressive they may have fixed it, but then they may also have blown it and I would be pacemakered and at 46 they felt I was too young for that, so they sensibly stopped. They checked again and they could still generate the erratic rhythm so the op was deemed a failure, although the Doc said that there may be a modification to it, it was best to remain on beta blockers.
Well that was that, but at least I know that it is a physical thing, and not the product of panic attacks, being overly emotional or just not being calm enough or even severe hypochondria! Furthermore I would not be as scared again (I think!) So I suffer from re entrant something or other causing Supra Ventricular Tachycardia which degenerates into Atrial Fiberation , there bet you feel better now!
Part of my(and the families) freak out was related to dates, you see my last attack that prompted the op was April the seventh-my fathers birthday, and the op date November 21st was the anniversary of his death(and a miscarriage too.)
Oddly enough my first ever visit to hospital was on April the 7th 1995, strange the way dates play on our minds and we attach significances to them.
Anyway signing off for now!
Fiona
Sunday, November 18, 2007
the 21st is this week!
Ah,
The op is on Wedensday, I have taken my last beta blocker the reality of Wedensday has hit my stomach.
To be perfectly honest I was unaware of its athletic ability: cartwheels, handstands and the splits!
I am still trying to ignore it and when at times the nerves attack, I reason with myself that it is just one bad day. And if that bad day cures me then it is wholly worth the long awake hours on the table and the hours lying still thereafter.
I suppose that my greatest fear is loss of control. To have total trust in these masked strangers. I mean how much do they drink? Have they just split up with thier partner? Are they up to thier ears in debt? Is thier mother ill? Do I really matter? Are they really as good as they think they are?
No actually my greatest fear is that I die. I don't want to die. I need to make sure my children and husband are cared for and that is my job, one I am not ready to hand over or reliquish.
But theres the rub, one has to be responsible and 'big' and 'grown up' and I simply am not, I know at 46 I should be but I am not.
In some senses by taking this decision to act aggressivly I am being big, but all I want to do right now is run away, say 'No its okay, I will be fine' then I get that stupid rushed beat that heralds an all out 180-250 heart rate and I realise that really I need to do this.
To be honest I really preferred it when the doctor said you have X we will do Y. This 'well if we do this you might (as in 1/200 or 1/1000) go pearshaped' approach just spooks me all the more you see I am an accountant(occassionally a writer) not a cardiologist.
Anyway enough of this madness and onto another sort, NaNoWrMo, yes 51.5K words under the belt, but a whole lot more to go!
The op is on Wedensday, I have taken my last beta blocker the reality of Wedensday has hit my stomach.
To be perfectly honest I was unaware of its athletic ability: cartwheels, handstands and the splits!
I am still trying to ignore it and when at times the nerves attack, I reason with myself that it is just one bad day. And if that bad day cures me then it is wholly worth the long awake hours on the table and the hours lying still thereafter.
I suppose that my greatest fear is loss of control. To have total trust in these masked strangers. I mean how much do they drink? Have they just split up with thier partner? Are they up to thier ears in debt? Is thier mother ill? Do I really matter? Are they really as good as they think they are?
No actually my greatest fear is that I die. I don't want to die. I need to make sure my children and husband are cared for and that is my job, one I am not ready to hand over or reliquish.
But theres the rub, one has to be responsible and 'big' and 'grown up' and I simply am not, I know at 46 I should be but I am not.
In some senses by taking this decision to act aggressivly I am being big, but all I want to do right now is run away, say 'No its okay, I will be fine' then I get that stupid rushed beat that heralds an all out 180-250 heart rate and I realise that really I need to do this.
To be honest I really preferred it when the doctor said you have X we will do Y. This 'well if we do this you might (as in 1/200 or 1/1000) go pearshaped' approach just spooks me all the more you see I am an accountant(occassionally a writer) not a cardiologist.
Anyway enough of this madness and onto another sort, NaNoWrMo, yes 51.5K words under the belt, but a whole lot more to go!
Monday, November 12, 2007
The Birthday Party
Marks tenth actually, 10 x 10 year olds , all at the Bowlplex, an interesting set up. 22 lanes of children's parties compared by a manic D.J. music disco games, just the very thing at 10am on a Saturday morning.
Good fun all in all, however 4 guests failed to turn up (the social lives of 10 year olds are not to be underestimated!) leaving one lane of 4 and one of 2 , in my infinite wisdom I filled in for two missing guests. This, on my part, was a severe underestimate of the energy required to heave 4 bowling balls down a lane in quick succession. I enquired if any one would like an extra practice?
'No No Mrs C you are all right!', as they passed me yet another 12lb bowling ball.
by 10.15am I was knackered, and drinking all the barley water under the sun. The DJ had found my future daughter in laws crutches to be a source of general entertainment, much to Marks ire
'Ho! YOU! that's my sister in law!' he warned the rather taken aback DJ. but the ribbing went on By 10.30 I needed the toilet. I indicated with a wide range of hand and arm movements that John should perhaps bowl rather than spend all our money on the fruit machines, and I went to the toilet.
The toilets are large and clean and have the sound system wired through, as I was attending to my toilette, I heard these words,
'We have a special prize for Fiona who is in the toilet at the moment, BUT that's OK because we have speakers in there!'
As I doubled over in utter disbelief, the DJ became most insistent that I 'get a move on' when I exited these facilities, there he was with a bottle of sparkling something for me. Seems I won a prize for doing a unique version of the time walk.
I returned to my bowling torture, it was of course my turn , again. At 12.15 and after bowling approximately 160 12lb bowls I was well and truely knackered....and No I could not beat a ten year old ( I came 5th!)
p.s. Mark had a ball!!
Good fun all in all, however 4 guests failed to turn up (the social lives of 10 year olds are not to be underestimated!) leaving one lane of 4 and one of 2 , in my infinite wisdom I filled in for two missing guests. This, on my part, was a severe underestimate of the energy required to heave 4 bowling balls down a lane in quick succession. I enquired if any one would like an extra practice?
'No No Mrs C you are all right!', as they passed me yet another 12lb bowling ball.
by 10.15am I was knackered, and drinking all the barley water under the sun. The DJ had found my future daughter in laws crutches to be a source of general entertainment, much to Marks ire
'Ho! YOU! that's my sister in law!' he warned the rather taken aback DJ. but the ribbing went on By 10.30 I needed the toilet. I indicated with a wide range of hand and arm movements that John should perhaps bowl rather than spend all our money on the fruit machines, and I went to the toilet.
The toilets are large and clean and have the sound system wired through, as I was attending to my toilette, I heard these words,
'We have a special prize for Fiona who is in the toilet at the moment, BUT that's OK because we have speakers in there!'
As I doubled over in utter disbelief, the DJ became most insistent that I 'get a move on' when I exited these facilities, there he was with a bottle of sparkling something for me. Seems I won a prize for doing a unique version of the time walk.
I returned to my bowling torture, it was of course my turn , again. At 12.15 and after bowling approximately 160 12lb bowls I was well and truely knackered....and No I could not beat a ten year old ( I came 5th!)
p.s. Mark had a ball!!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Well!!!!
Why me one asks....
This morning we discovered big John had filled the car (last night)with 50 quids worth of unleaded petrol. We have driven 5 miles, we have circulated poison around the carrburretta..... grrrrrrr it is a diesel and it is now lying sick on the driveway awaiting AA surgery, at a cost of 200 quid....being a company car of course this shock news has made my boss one of the happiest men alive.....
hopefully today will improve!
Fi xx
Why me one asks....
This morning we discovered big John had filled the car (last night)with 50 quids worth of unleaded petrol. We have driven 5 miles, we have circulated poison around the carrburretta..... grrrrrrr it is a diesel and it is now lying sick on the driveway awaiting AA surgery, at a cost of 200 quid....being a company car of course this shock news has made my boss one of the happiest men alive.....
hopefully today will improve!
Fi xx
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Well I am 14,760 words into NaNoWrMo, something I truely did not plan in joining, and yet I did, and now I am undone, because this is beer to an alcoholic, painful and wonderful!
Nanowrimo is, in my opinion, the literary equivelent to Colonic irrigation. However on saying that I am well and truely hooked, thanks to my buddies on A215 (the Open University's incredible writing course.)
7 of us have formed our own Writers Group, and that is amazing, those writers are the most talented and original bunch in the world, and I am looking forward to the fun we will have discovering our words together.
More later if I can figure out how this all works!!
Fi :O)
Nanowrimo is, in my opinion, the literary equivelent to Colonic irrigation. However on saying that I am well and truely hooked, thanks to my buddies on A215 (the Open University's incredible writing course.)
7 of us have formed our own Writers Group, and that is amazing, those writers are the most talented and original bunch in the world, and I am looking forward to the fun we will have discovering our words together.
More later if I can figure out how this all works!!
Fi :O)
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